december blog entries

ph.

hi, i am irritated by everything abd want to die badly #YOLO. on christmas eve my sister saw my self harm scars and yelled at me in front of everyone like wow ok thanks for being so secretive about it girl! called me stupid but i dont care, i want to cut deeper but im a fucking pussy.
i started and finished it welcome to derry. it made me feel sad all the time:(. my favs were lilly abd marge!! i hated marge at first but i really grew to like her~ it feels like 2016 again bc of the new it series and stranger things season 5~ oh yeah what the fuck was that last episode. will... willl... you have to come out to ALL OF DERRY to save the world... yeah. fuck you. die fie die.
i also came to the realization recently that i may indeed have a personality disorder and it pissed me off so bad that i want to cut everyone off and then kill myself. i wanna see peoples reactions to when i die~ cry for a minute and 2 and then move on with their day. i didnt have much of an inpact in ppls lives, i think ppl are more annoyed with me than grateful that im in their lives. thats sad but tbh, i dont care?😭 see thats why i think i have a personality disorder. like idk what to do to gaf. i just wanna consume lots of yaoi and then die. i wanna die die die die thats all i ever wanna do. thats why i sleep until 4 pm almost everyday. just wanna die die die. i also wanna cut myself so i might relapse soon
oh ye i started interview with the vampire s2, im sad about the new actress for claudia. i thought og claudia played her so well, idk smths off with s2's actress...... sorry.......
im also reallg fuckinf reddiepilled rn bc of welcome to derry. i want to create furry versions of them. (i forgot to say but i loveddd marge x rich:]] favorite ship from the whole show!♡)

hi world. as i write this i am doing my skincare, right now i am using the clay mask stick from skin 1004. i bought the oil cleanser from the same brand today (alongside with a primer and what i thought was a gentle cleanser but its a freaking moisturizer! i mad asf.) i spent 40 dollars on skincare and i feel useless. really i spent like 200 dollars today buuutt... i put the 130 dollars i spent today on a payment plan.. so i only spent like 70 dollars... :)
i am worlds BEST money saver! no but seriously the 1004 oil cleanser literallysaved my life. i have been struggling with my sebum, its so fucking gross looking but the oil cleanser really cleared it up! im happy:)
today was also emmas birthday today! happy birthday emma, i love you baby... yes i will buy your once skin dwrling♡ it was my first time playing idv in 7 months and it was fun! maybe it was fun because i ignored what ppl were saying in the chat? lols.
i also went to Michigan the other day! WOW!! Michigan!! but uh.. i fell asleep on the way i completely missed seeing the Michigan landscape... what a worthless baka i am... right....?
uhmmm updates, i finished interview with the vampire season 1, i havent started season 2 bc im scared! im also really stressed from work😓💔 i wanna quit so bad lols. havent been drawjng much, i havent had a photos of the day in awhile. you hate me for not doing it, right? im sorry i'll fix myself , ok?

the pain is over. IT IS WINTER BREAK! i felt this heavy burden lifted off my shoulders... its amazing how horrible college makes you feel!♡ a lot of things have happened to me this semester... i realized i am infact, NOT A LESBIAN... mentally ill as fuck that i have decided to back on meds... and well.. idk not much has happened other than the usual horrors i experience everyday (autism, anxiey, depression, embarrassment of being alive.) i have also decided to become pretty, because i cannot be an ugly pervert. fujoshis cant be ugly.
OH YEAH I FINALLY WENT TO A PUNK SHOW! it was totally not my style but hey at least its nice to see and experience new things right? :] i might go back for whenever indie bands play tho! i want to support my local musicians~
i also have finished all of yellowjackets! it gets a little shitty at the end but i honestly do not care! i need more show recommendations with gay shit happening in the background... speaking of gay shit i started interview with the vampire! of all the shows ive watched these past 2 weeks this has been the only one to make me cry... claudia my babe... i'll save you....

i wasnt going to write buttt I GOT MY ESSAY (maybe) DONE IN ONLY 3 HOURS!! THATS AN INSANE RECORD FOR ME!! and its due friday so im goinf to go to a writinf tutor and ask what I should do to polish it! i really need a good grade on it (i am a dummy who came to class 10 minutes late multiple times and had no idea it would count as an absent so now my grade is rlly bad...).
whats even better is that i procastinated all day cuz i so soooo scared to work on it cuz i thought it was going to take me a long time like usually... but nope~~ 3 HOURS!!! i am so excited for school to be over!! now that ive written this essay it feels like i can breath again its amazzinnggg!!~~♡ but i am a lil stressed cuz i work tmr when i wasnt supposed to and i have to deposit this check and i amm sooo scared to cuz i dont like the ppl at the bank... pray for me besties!♡
also i am very happy cuz i drew new sprite art for my milgram ocs~ i thought i would feel guilter cuz i thought i wasnt going to finish my essay but I FINISHED I FINISHED. DID YOU KNOW I FINISHED MY ESSAY?
also i dont like muship as much anymore... the tiktok account really fucked up my relationship with his music somehow LMAOOO... byebye fixation... 5 years down the drain sigh... i'll miss you...
OH I WATCHED A LOT OF SHOWS THIS PAST WEEK! i watched eyewitness (i dont recommend it.. i only watched it for the boy on boy action...), heated rivarly (I LOVE GAY SEX!) and yellowjackets! i am currently on s3 of it, but i am having a hard time finding a way to watch the show legally:<
sigh. anyways. ily guys♡

HELLO WORLD! it is i again, josephine (not my name)! happy december! wow its been too long... i am ignoring my schoolwork as usual~ i was going to work on it this week i swear!! but.. ehe... got distracted~~~
got really fixated on my muship tiktok account! and then deleted it after one of my videos blew up and i kept getting mad at 14 year olds. not very good for my mental health, yk?
and i recently started this show called eyewitness! well, im actually about to finish it (i hsve 2 episodes left) and its god awful but i need to see how it ends😭 and i also wanna see some gay sex action so...
and i just back from watching the new fnaf movie with some friends while writing this! it was not good. but i love fnaf so i dont really care! though my cousin was mad at me cuz i kept talking during the movie. how are you going to bring an autistic teen to watch the fnaf movie and not expect them to talk about every little detail?! yes i know im in the wrong but i really dont care! i dont like my cousin that much anyways.